There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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