I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
