Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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