we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We're too hungover to prance.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
