so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
