Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
