Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
