Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
