your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
wanna go halves on a baby?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
