it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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