Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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