so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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