wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
