That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
