Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I understand Curling. That high.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
