What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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