So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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