we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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