Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize