in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
