I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
