now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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