fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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