As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
