peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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