The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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