Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
