You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Couch. On fire.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
