I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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