so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
