Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
