Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
