I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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