Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
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She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.