I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?