It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
