can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME