I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.