Texts From Last Night

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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so that wasnt chicken after all

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  (910): so that wasnt chicken after all http://tfl.nu/1f1r
  Replies (2) Good night (666) Bad night (1184)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.

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  (973): i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell. http://tfl.nu/umpc
  Replies (15) Good night (829) Bad night (2525)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.

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  (843): At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts. http://tfl.nu/humd
  Replies (31) Good night (2403) Bad night (927)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.

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  (720): the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat. http://tfl.nu/19vn
  Replies (14) Good night (4612) Bad night (943)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.

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  (503): well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride. http://tfl.nu/51rz
  Replies (22) Good night (5773) Bad night (563)
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  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

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  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (9259) Bad night (1264)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.

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  (773): I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe. http://tfl.nu/xtio
  Replies (6) Good night (3155) Bad night (1001)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.

  (904): View more from Florida

  So when does your new flight leave?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying

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  (734): Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight. (904): So when does your new flight leave? (734): At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying http://tfl.nu/33le
  Replies (8) Good night (1993) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

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  (403): Christ, I really took the slutcake last night. (1-403): Wait. Someome brought slutcake? http://tfl.nu/hkv2
  Replies (9) Good night (2193) Bad night (667)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too

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  (623): Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too http://tfl.nu/3dvb
  Replies (20) Good night (1729) Bad night (646)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire

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  (+61): one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire http://tfl.nu/ff4y
  Replies (5) Good night (1679) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.

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  (647): Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May. http://tfl.nu/snqw
  Replies (9) Good night (1520) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.

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  (937): I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies. http://tfl.nu/8j70
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.

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  (708): State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted. http://tfl.nu/x7uk
  Replies (3) Good night (413) Bad night (341)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.

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  (202): She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising. http://tfl.nu/7jp1
  Replies (2) Good night (708) Bad night (249)

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