haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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