Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
