I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
