Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have feelings that need drinking.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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