I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
NoShamevember. You game?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
