Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
