my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i dont even know how to be here
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
