trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
love makes seman taste better
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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