Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
