Cold hands, warm shart.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
