day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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