I'll bet she douches with gravy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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