So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It's shark week go big or go home
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
