So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
