Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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