Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
