You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
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Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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