he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
