The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize