in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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