I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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