are you so shy because you have an std?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
