i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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