so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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