so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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