Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
