Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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