Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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