There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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