dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
